Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Get the Best Subway Ride

For high-tech subway cars, they sure do suck.  I'm sorry to say that Kawasaki failed to design a subway car with an air conditioning system that doesn't pee on people.  For all those who ride the subway, here are some tips on how to optimize the time you spend doing it.

1) Don't sit under the A/C.

On new subway cars, such as the 2/4/5/6 trains, the air conditioner randomly leaks.  It is a problem that's been happening for years and even I have gotten A/C peed on.  If I weren't wearing a Barnes and Noble canvas bag, I would've been in serious trouble.  My bag completely blocked all possible water damage.  However this leakage has probably messed up important documents for people.  It's a surprise no one's complained yet.

2) Look and sniff before you enter.

If there is a bum on the train, your ride may be uncomfortable.  To keep this from happening, try to look and smell the area before you enter. 

3) Know where your exit is.

If you know which car is closest to the exit at your desired stop, go there.  If everyone stands in one spot on the platform life gets very uncomfortable.  Save yourself the time and anger and move.

4) Move into the center of the car.

By doing this, people are less likely to yell at you.  This isn't Japan; people will not be okay if you block the passage to the middle of the train.

5) Guard your stuff.

Pickpockets are there, even if you've never had anything stolen from you.  Don't let your guard down.  Those service announcements and signs are there for a reason.

6) Don't apply perfume or smoke in or right before you enter the train.

Stuff like this makes others uncomfortable.  Soon you will notice people moving from your vicinity.  You may want to quit smoking or walk to your destination.  However, wouldn't that be good anyway?  You'd save over $1000 a year because you won't need cigarettes and you'll be healthier because you're walking!  Hooray!

Well, that's all for today.  Stay safe and have a happy MTA day.


rei said...

and don't forget how much you'd save by NOT riding the trains, and your blood pressure from not having to deal with the stress of the trains, your lungs from not having to smell all the (probably) toxic stuff there.

man, makes me want to buy a bike now

Big Apple Pie said...

but then you have the chance of getting doored at any moment o_O; that's not awesome.